Mortality and the mid-30's

There are days when I do not want to write. I'll take a day or two off, which usually replenishes the well. Sometimes it does not and I find myself wrestling with the words. Then the habit of writing will kick in like a secondary instinct and then to the page I must follow. Sometimes it feels like a leash, though whose dragging who along inevitably switches back and forth.

Right now, the need to write is the one wrenching the chain, even as I feel I have nothing TO write. The blank page is as annoying as it is intimidating. I can only write about having nothing to write about so often, and I've an ungodly number of entries over the years written about exactly that phenomenon.

Age. Aging is something I've been thinking about. Specifically, aging and the body and when it eventually catches up to us. When the bad habits of youth finally takes hold of our bodies and we, having half-believed ourselves to be immortal (as young people do), are suddenly confronted by our own lives.

I am 35. My friends, and my friend's friends, are also in their mid-30's. One by one, I either see or hear of someone in those circles becoming sick. Diabetes and other weight related issues are the majority of what's landing on these people. There are a few others who got sick like me, who just landed on bad genetics. But either way, it is astounding to me that all at once, a ton of us are facing severe bodily consequences.

What is it about the mid-30's that does that? Regardless of how one gets so sick, the leading theme to it all seems to be age. It's got me a little befuddled. I'd always thought of diabetes or cancer or other such things that happen to older people, like people in their 40's and 50's.

Maybe it's just a case of not wanting to admit that 35 isn't actually as young as I want to think it is, and that I actually AM the age that these things happen in. It wouldn't be the first time a person didn't want to admit that they are, indeed, old.

I remember being 17 years old and wondering what my 30's would bring. It seemed so far away. Anyone over 20 was considered older and anyone over 30 was simply considered old. Certainly I had no way of knowing that I would have lupus sprung on me, or that the various trappings of adulthood (such as divorce, finding and losing jobs, etc) would be so prominent.

But now being in my mid-30's, and seventeen years old seeming as equally far away now as 30 did then, I wonder...what is about the mid-30's that is making us all so sick at once?

I wonder what things will be like when I am 50. And I wonder if it will be the same as here, simply with different problems. I imagine it will be. Time is time and it does what it does.

For today, I guess that has to be enough.

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Evolution designed us pretty much to get old enough to create children and then stick around long enough until they could create children.

So pretty much the human design is to get to 15 and either get pregnant or get another 15 year old pregnant and then be there until they are 15.

So our initial parts have a sell by date of about 30 and then start wearing out.
Hm... As evil as it may be: I think it shows that only a very limited number of people is destined to get 80 years old or even older. It's not such a general thing as most of the daily propaganda wants to tell you, and it's your fault if you don't.
If you're not one of those rich ass fuckers that have no life of big physical hardships and lots of environmental toxins around you, you won't get this old. Not in these days anymore. Where there is more poison in your food than anything natural...
I'd think it's the life of normal people at the base that catches up to you when you hit the middle of your thirties. The hardships, the physical sins that you pile up, the bad habits and temptations (e. g. drugs), the dirt you had to swallow in your surroundings up 'til then, the dirt that you ate or drank 'til then (normal foods contamined with food additives), long term medication, as well as all that same stuff that you inherited from your parents, and basic genetic errors you already carry within yourself from them which you know or might not know yet.
I get to this recognition because this getting sick forever stuff actually reveals the timer is pretty closely set. How you wanna survive or live with this without having already almost everything of your body replaced synthetically or through organ donation until you're 70? Shit, don't tell me things. If one grows to be 70 when your body already shows signs of rot when you're in the middle of your thirties, he'll be dead shell until then. Still living, but the mind is already dead or unable to work longer than for short time episodes. There's more to be kept alive through medical help than what actually makes it to do that on its own. And this is what actually is commonly called "death".
There is a reason middle age begins around 40. When you adjust for illnesses that are treatable today, people generally lived to be around 70 or 80.

The last parts of a human to develop, parts of the brain and our wisdom teeth, finish developing. By our early to mid 30s the various biochemicals that do things like build muscle, keep our skin moist and plump, and keep our fertility and sexual performance revved up, start to decline. Any damage our bodies sustain will take a little longer to repair itself and for anything that can't be repaired the cumulative damage will begin to become apparent. Hence things like grey hair, lines on the face and achy joints.

This is the age where, if a person hasn't been particularly diligent in caring for themselves when they are younger, or they have the beginnings of a condition like diabetes or lupus, they are more likely to feel the results of it in your 30s and 40s.