Settle out

We've managed to cut the number of pill bottles down from 16 to 9. This is a HYUGE relief on my stomach, as handfuls of pills tend to cause indigestion. I'm still eating close to 15 pills a day, but that's due to a few meds needing to be taken twice a day. Still, it is a vast and major improvement.

While I am on a proper Prednisone taper dose, I can still feel the Prednisone restlessness. It's pretty much me waking up just a little too early, stepping outside to smoke a million times, and endlessly pacing the small length of this apartment. I do get the morning chores done, but those can only take up so much time.

It is frustrating. I'd JUST fully tapered myself off the Prednisone last month, only to be put right back on it a few days later in the hospital. This is another tapered dose, but it feels like any other steroid run - restless, aimless, and tired. I am still managing more sleep, and good sleep at that, but any steroid at any dose hits hard.

As I tell all the doctors at the hospital, "Steroids put me on the 6th floor. Can we please just not do the steroids?" They'll nod their heads sympathetically (as they know the 6th floor is the psych ward) and then say that my infection (or anemia or hemoglobin or insert x or y variable) requires aggressive treatment.

It always requires aggressive treatment, no matter what "it" is. I know the early stages of treatment, especially when you have a patient whose kidneys already failed her once before, are a race against the clock. It's a matter of trying to outflank the symptoms. It's trying to keep one step ahead of the complications that could arise and kill you.

It's still frustrating and it still leaves me dealing with the side of effects of those aggressive treatments. One of those side effects is trying to handle over half a year's worth of profound insomnia. It accumulates, it builds, it is exponential. Even as the sleep itself improves, the length of time and dosage of Prednisone still washes over me in waves.

I know at some point this part will improve. I'll be off the Prednisone entirely within two more weeks. At least until the next hospitalization, which has averaged out to once a month over the last six months. So that part doesn't give me much hope.

But eventually it'll settle out. It has to. Even if at some time I have to point-blank refuse that treatment, it'll settle out. Maybe I'll just start listing steroids as something I'm allergic to. It might take three days before the "allergy" symptoms set in, but good goddamn, when they do, they do.

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I'd speculate if they put you on that stuff again just because there's barely or no other way of treatment.
Sometimes this is just the matter of weighing out what is the more terrible thing? Restlessness or flares firing up? To most of those meds that cut down inflammations, I think, still today they barely or even don't have any alternatives. Like "this is the best way we know it works". Still no-one has invented better methods. At least that's as far as I recall it, if I think more deeper.
Maybe that's the reason why.