Insane or an insomniac

Y'know those days where you know it's gonna be one of THOSE days, immediately upon awakening? Yesterday was one of those days. I was tired beyond belief, but somehow managed to push through it and not go back to bed. I astounded myself in not taking a nap, really, so heavy was the exhaustion.

This morning feels much the same, though I'll have to be awake at 4 PM to do some character creation for an RPG Pat's running online. I pray I can make it to 4 PM. Make it to 4 PM and be somewhat coherent enough to process information, which is a tricky thing to somedays.

Lately, Jesse and I will be talking and halfway through conversation, I forget what we are talking about. I'll try to backtrack mentally, but half the time I STILL can't remember the main subject. So I'm sitting there, listening to Jesse, trying to pick out key words that will explain why we are talking about whatever, and wind up missing what Jesse says in that exact moment. That just doubles the confusion.

I've always had a wandering attention span during conversations, but I've NEVER before actually FORGOTTEN what the discussions are about. It's alarming to me. It's brain fog, mostly induced by lack of or broken sleep.

Wake up times shift back the 2-3 AM hours, daytime sleep is only half effective in catching up for lost sleep. Going BACK to sleep is difficult. All as it used to be, chasing me towards the same insomnia that drove me mad earlier this month and into the psych ward.

I don't get it - I slept SO WELL right out the hospital. As the weeks have gone on, I become less and less able to sleep properly.

"I really can't remember if I'm insane or an insomniac." - Icon For Hire

In my heart, bro. In my heart.

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