The Daily Dilema

I slept 10 hours straight last night. A miracle. I'd hope it to be a sign of Things To Come (like, a real sleep schedule), but hope is a fragile thing. I dare not place too much weight on its shoulders.

Mentally, I am awake, aware, and present. Emotionally, the depression that threatened to swallow me yesterday is gone. Physically? Quicksand. Body wants more sleep. MOAR SLEEP.

Here's the quandary: Do I go back to bed, resulting in a possibly even more groggy Teressa upon awakening? Do I just push through it, admonishing my body for its tiredness, as we TOTALLY ACTUALLY DID get enough sleep, at least by science's standards?

I never quite know which is the right answer - and choosing wrong can have disastrous results that can last for days. They tell me that as I go on, I'll become more intuitive about these things. That I'll be more able to tell which one will fuck me up more, even before I act on either.

I'm just not a very intuitive person.

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Definitely make yourself stay awake. Otherwise you'll fuck up your sleep schedule and won't be able to fall asleep tonight.

Same as eyelid, try to get some consistency in it when it's about the times you sleep, so that it becomes a regular schedule again, BUT, on the other hand, I don't know how it works with lupus, I just say this based on the things that I know: Also keep in the back of your mind the method of spoon theory. You only got a certain contingent of spoons to use every day, and if you use some of the spoons from the other days, they gonna be missing there. Means, if you borrow, your body's gonna catch up with you, demand the amount of energy from you to be regenerated back. Those are days then where you have the impression like not making it to do anything at all.

It's just the question now of finding the middle of things. What's the average that you can calculate with every day and that needs to be respected - that can't be stretched too far anymore. In numbers: Is it 60 or 70 spoons of even only 50? 50 already is like a hammer on your head, but what you gonna do if that seems like the matter of fact? See, and that's what the purpose is. If you know that, you know how much you can push yourself and how much others can push you, even by guilt.