The last legal drug available to me

Outside of caffeine and nicotine, at least. I've cut waaay back on caffeine, often not even making it through half of my first cup of coffee for the day. Soda has been nearly completely eradicated from my diet - and when I do have it, it's caffeine free soda. Nicotine? Still at 2 packs a day. But past that?

It's food. When I find something I can eat, I overindulge like a motherfucker. Thankfully, it's healthy foods, as I haaate what going over on my renal diet does to me. But I've found that I crave the "the food coma" that over-eating produces. It's comforting and relaxing - things that are often in short order lately.

I also realized, with firmness and some form of finality, how sick and tired I am of bitching about lupus. I mean, it's been eight fucking months. The amount of anger and sorrow spilled over those last eight months has gotten my head all kinds of confused and mixed up. So I'm going to do my best to find other things to write about.

There will be plenty of rageful, despairing posts ahead. But damnit, I'm more than this disease. It's time I begin to accept that and let it show.

Which probably means endless posts about my cats. But hey, that's better than drowning in self-pity and anger.

Speaking of cats, Rupert has finally stopped sleeping in trash cans. He now sleeps anywhere in the main walkway. I wonder how long it will take him to realize that his constantly getting stepped on is due to where he has taken residence.

I don't know if cats are smart like that, though.

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Hm... Take only care of that over-eating. Brains are strange working gizmos. If they realize, they can't or are not going to intoxicate themselves by the will of that one that is inhabited in them, if you have a tendency to additictive behavior, then they go search for something they can practice it with. Sometimes it can be strange things they pick, but that's as it is. If you know that about yourself, you've gotta keep looking out.