Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you and me....

So something is happening with penetrative sex that has not ever happened before. I'm not quite sure what to do about it. What's happening, you ask? Well...it hurts. The vaginal walls and muscles are NOT STRETCHING the way they should when being penetrated.

As in, either I somehow got tighter than a virgin or Jesse's dick grew another inch around and longer.

I'd thought "Okay, well, you haven't had sex in, like, a year. So you probably just need a little more lube than usual." I ALWAYS use lube, because a 35 year old body just doesn't produce lubrication the same way a 20 year old body does. Basic science, no moral judgement there.

(Well, no moral judgement except to the assholes who have been, in my life, OFFENDED that I used lube. As if the sight of their cock should somehow override biology. Fuck those dudes. Lube rules.)

Anyways, it turns out the extra lube, though, is not helping. Sliding down, even the simple act of penetration hurts enough to make me wince - and not in that good way.

I don't think vaginas can tighten up that much and Jesse's dick has not gotten bigger. So what is happening and how can I make sex more comfortable for myself? It's not lack of foreplay, because after all these years of body-boundaries, I REFUSE to have penetrative sex unless I really, really want to.

So if I'm climbing aboard the Cock Train, it means that I am ready and raring to go, engines gunning at full speed.

Except my body, by sending pain signals from my brain to my twat, disagrees. Why?

I'm going to bring this up with my doctor (it's possible this is medicine side effect), but I also thought you guys might have some ideas on what's going on and how to fix this.

Sex has never hurt like this before, and I'm doing all the usual things people say to do when it hurts. Use lube. Have more foreplay. Try different positions. It still hurts.

And it sucks, because I really want to start having regular sex again. Ideas? Suggestions? Similar experiences? A happy, warm speculum? Something?

This entry was originally posted at http://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1062387.html
Tags: ,
If its hurting on penetration, around the opening, I would think maybe its the meds. Interior hurt could be anything I guess, uterus, rectal issues... When is the last time you had a gynecological go over?
Yeah, I wouldn't hazard a guess what it is without actually being a doctor; that's irresponsible. The problem may be hormonal, and I'm not equipped to diagnose you at a distance. However, my one suggestion is: vibrator. Vibrator, massager, even an electric toothbrush—minus the bristles, of course. (I've heard of someone using her Sonicare™ to get off.) The vibration is disarming, and can make you produce lots of mucus.

You probably use a vibrator in your regular sex play, so I haven't told you anything you don't already know. Never mind.
There are a ton of different pelvic floor/muscle disorders that could cause that. Vaginismus is one, my doctor described it as a "sandpapery" pain which absolutely fit my experience. Could be onset by trauma, medicine, stress, age, anything. Mine vanished during the honeymoon period of my new relationship, as though my body was, in fact, full speed ahead, and came back many months later with a vengeance once the hormones had settled down and we'd become more comfortable. So if you are accustomed to fucking a lot and then not fucking much in a relationship as time goes on it may be something that you've never noticed, especially if you stick to external while you're masturbating.

Sorry this is happening. :( I contacted a sex therapist first because I think they are better equipped than your average gyno to talk about this stuff, because female pelvic pain disorders are so neglected in the medical industry. That's what I would suggest.

How does it hurt? Burning hurt? Aching hurt? Itching hurt? I'm assuming you've covered the usual suspects (yeast, bacterial vaginosis).

Are you in menopause/not ovulating? One thing that can cause general pain with sex is estrogen deficiency/vaginal atrophy. That can happen in menopause or similar circumstances (I had it when I was breastfeeding). If you're not ovulating you probably aren't producing estrogen, and without estrogen, vaginas become no man's land.

You might check on vaginapagina for more ideas.

There is a product called Replens, it's in the same aisle as yeast infection treatments. It's not a lube like we traditionally think of one, you use it ever few days. I used it about once a week, and it's like you have a brand new vagina. They liken it to hand lotion, something you put on that keeps your skin soft and moist for some time after.

Trust me on this, no seriously.