* Jesse has kept true to my boundaries all these years. One of them, one the most important ones, is that I do not let people I've never met before into my home. And I usually prefer several meetings between unknown people before they are allowed here.

It frustrated him greatly at first. It likely still does. But he has always respected it. I am so grateful for that.

* My dreams keep throwing me back to the psych ward. Either I'm back in and arguing with staff about getting permission to leave for a few hours a day for a part time job, or I'm sharing hallucinations with other patients, or I'm stuck in never-ending hallways with no doors.

Makes total sense. It's still unnerving.

* The possibility of strokes had not occurred to me, Matrix. But the first hospitalization showed that I'd been smack dab in the middle of a mini-stroke for days. That is something for me to keep on the front burner, to watch out for. Thank you for bringing that up.

* Sometimes writing feels the most useless endeavor I have ever attempted. As if I've wasted the decades of practice instead of building something "normal". I know this is an extremely common feeling amongst writers. Artists in general, I would think.

But there's little else I have a talent for and NOTHING else I have trained myself so hard in. Not feeling well contributes to that and clashes with my need to write. There's no saying you can't learn new things, but it often feels like I'm just writing myself in circles.

* I'm actually glad I don't own a PS4 and have Mass Effect: Andromeda. It's something that I would wind up being so frustrated with. I've been eager and excited to play this game for YEARS now. Ridiculous frothing at the mouth kind of eager.

As ill as I've been, I wouldn't be able to play it right now. Writing on a computer still requires sunglasses in a dark room. Even with that, it still makes the room feel spinney. There's no way I could handle the twisting and turning that combat and level-running involves.

I watch others play video games (for unfathomable reasons, that's extremely comforting for me). But I'm often relegated to just listening to it, as watching it makes me nauseas enough to vomit.

Damn you, Bioware. Couldn't you have had the sense to put off the next release of my favorite game series until I stopped being sick?

* My father was able to get me a smart phone and put me on his plan. It's been so long since I've had a smartphone (well over a year now) that I practically forget how to use it. All the apps I once thought as of as dire necessity now seem extraneous. But it's unlimited text and call and save us so much money on phone cards. (Jesse still has a pay-by-the-minute burner phone).

* There's more to write. Always is. But even as I managed sleep for five hours earlier today, the nausea is overwhelming, even after eating what seems like a million pills for it. I don't know what else to do, so I'm going to lay back down and see if that helps.

It may or may not help. I'll have to put on my sleep mask to completely darken my vision. But at least I can take off my sunglasses.

This entry was originally posted at http://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1067184.html