How wrong is that?

How wrong it is it that my arms, now only faintly tainted with scar lines, look unnatural being so clean? I can still see the ladders of white scaffolding my wrist to my elbow, but for every day they fade and clear skin replaces it....it just looks wrong.

Like, bloody lines, or lines crusting with blood, and the white lines that lay over the blood over the week or two of healing, is the REAL way my skin should look like.

How wrong is that? And will that go away? I don't remember feeling that way last time I was giving up cutting.

This entry was originally posted at http://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1089096.html
You know... I'm getting a theory about this.
It seems cutters and former cutters share a thing similar to people with eating disorders or addiction problems.
They're got to fight the impulse for the rest of their lives, just like people with the other two said disorders always have to take very intensive care of it. They're always under a threat of a relapse if the right conditions meet.
I'm getting this theory because of reasons - and I don't even like the thought myself.
'Cause - even if you seem to be "sober" for an amount of years already, let a crisis happen or a very big change in your life challenge you, and suddenly the idea or the impulse to cut is there again. Like all those years you've spent without it are for the garbage can. Didn't use anything. (Well, the years without cutting do indeed have an effect - years older, you may be more clearer of this how much use it practically has for you. You maybe be able to resist the urge much better 'cause your head's aware of it that with and without it life doesn't change. The goal you might want to achieve can't be reached with cutting, so why doing it then again?)
This reminds me to people which constantly have to keep a pattern of dysfunctional behavior under their thumb and there is no dealine of an ending to this except death itself.