Robbing banks

Last night I was sharing the story of a 19 year old girl who had, some years ago, robbed a bank and recorded the spoils via a Youtube video. I laughed at the idiocy. I did note, though, that she'd committed the crime in a manic state.

"Well, you get pretty crazy when you're manic, Teressa. I don't know if you have ANY control over what you do when you're manic," Jesse said.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't ROB A BANK, at least."

"I don't think you would, either. But when you're manic, I never know what you're going to do. It's a fresh hell every day. About the only thing I know to expect is that you won't sleep."

I paused again. I asked if it was really that bad. But even as the words fell out of my mouth, I was reminding myself of three overdoses, multiple razor lines on my arms, and at least five stays in the psychiatric ward over the last year.

It really was that bad.

And it's better now. After god knows how many medication adjustments, months of therapy, meeting with multiple case workers and reaching out to every avenue of helped that was offered...it's better now.

I really had no idea how being diagnosed with an incurable auto-immune disease would lead to an entire year's worth of certifiable insanity. And I really had no idea that at some point, it would stop. It felt endless.

But nothing's endless. Not health, not mania, and not illness.

Still, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't rob a bank.

Pretty sure, at least.

This entry was originally posted at https://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1104350.html
This might be different with each person. You know, in emotional states outside of the usual not everyone is ready, willing and able to do the same things. Some people may gain the strength of a bear and not be stoppable by anything, others just draw back and throw darts in their hobby room, some others again... blame themselves and do things which are actually harmful to them, like drinking, eating a bunch of chocolate (or other sweets) or voluntarily picking up fights with other people.
I think it is a matter of which deep taboos one has in his normal emotional state, when being in his average mood. Who would never beat anyone, even in his usual state, he doesn't need to take care of stopping himself when he's angry. If you have much less a moral problem to do so, when're not off the wall, then you'll need to take care if you're in circumstances which lower the inner inhibition threshold that you don't do anything that could make you unhappy tomorrow.
This certainly adds some illuminating color to your recent hermiting. Would it be so far off if I supposed that having gone balls-to-the-wall for so long, you're still resting and assessing and trying to get things back to what can pass for "normal"?
I can see a terrible scenario forming that begins with the thought "You know, I bet I COULD rob that bank, if I wanted to..." It's not rocket science to visualize that going sideways in a couple of heartbeats, particularly if some other voice answered "Really? Betcha cant..."

I'm not saying that you or I or anyone in particular would rob a bank, but I am saying that I understand how one could find themselves there.

[Edited to add new typos]

Edited at 2017-10-26 03:11 am (UTC)