Your sword is not buried in stone like King Arthur. It is buried in a pile of bullshit.

And so I wake up, hours earlier than I intended, thanks to dreams of being chased through an icy tundra by wolves and polar bears. Then again, I also dreamed about guzzling a half gallon of strawberry milk. No accounting for continuity in dreams. (And now I want strawberry milk.)

There is not much to talk about, outside of various bits of snark I picked up on via Google. Yesterday's snark was all about "mall ninjas"", or a term used in forums to mean an unexperienced weapon owner who pretends to be a seasoned operator.

The term "mall ninja" was coined after THIS guy, a mall security guard who brags about being a "Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls" and of his exploits in war, such as "Vietnam still shudders when it hears the name of a an assasin so skillful and deadly, he is remembered decades later."

Seriously, read the thread. You won't regret it. It's every tough-guy-on-the-internet stereotype there is.

Mall ninjas are the guys who show up at gun ranges decked out in full BDU uniform, no matter how impractical it makes for actual shooting practice. They brag of incredible gun skills, but often cannot fire a straight line and sometimes can't even properly hold a gun. They ALWAYS, ALWAYS claim to have been in some kind of military Special Ops, regardless of age or physique.

These guys have a sidekick, and being a nerd, this particular flavor of "mall ninja" is what I run into most often. The ones who buy the cheapest katana at the mall's new age store and make Youtube videos of them clumsily waving the sword about in the air. They spout their adherence to ancient "codes" of purity and honor. Their knowledge of anime is extensive and is clearly the closest thing to combat they have ever seen.

Not to be outdone by gun enthusiasts, these guys have ALSO been inducted into Special Forces, or at least have saved countless people (usually hot girls from mugging or rape) with their amazing kung-fu skills.

In a nutshell,





The stories of heroism that fall from these mall-ninja lips are so easy to see through that even ghosts are ashamed to be near them. The delusions are so overwhelming that you can feel the neckbeard oozing out of the keyboard. The desperation to be seen as cool is a tangible stench and not even your computer monitor will prevent the smell from wafting out. God help you if you run into one of these guys face-to-face, because they will follow you around yapping like a lost Chihuahua, incapable of picking up on social cues to end the conversation.

I've met this guy. Countless times. So have you. Now we have a word to put to them.

Isn't the internet grand?

This entry was originally posted at https://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1106051.html
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Heh. Yeah. People who were actually in special forces never talk about having been in special forces. Is the rule. Here at least, might be different in 'Murica'. But here the SAS never talk about it, for security too. They don't want people knowing there's an ex-special forces guy in the neighbourhood.

So you can always tell if somebody is bragging about being ex-SAS, that they're full of shit.
i imagine even if there's no threat to them, people knowing might be an unneccesary hassle.
Yeah, it probably changes how people interact with you, if folks are thinking 'Hey, this guy has probably killed people with his bare hands.'
Many years ago, people who just fit that description became real killers.
Well, indeed they knew a little better what to do with their guns and not and how to build home-brew pipe bombs.
But, remembering them and analyzing them further, you'll learn, even these days, that they were also some type of nerd like that whose mouth was bigger than their deeds in the end. They talked about killing the world and tearing a world order down, and in the end maybe they managed to kill "only" a couple of people, some even not that. Not the world revolution envisioned... Not the big show which goes down in history.

And, when you think about it as a phenomenon of the times, you'll see it was a thing of teens and young adults. People who might be tempted to believe that the world must react to them when they play the wild boar. People who got 150% of their powers available, no experience to control it, and who would be on the threshold about learning in a complex way what the world works like and so they'd pursue their goals totally differently, even if they were still the same ones as they were teens.
Core feature they would learn not to show anymore is BRAGGING with all they can and want to do. Stopping regarding it as a kind of trophy that defines the identity, instead learn the part "if you want to be something, then you must live it - and therefore you must study it in the classical way (not through media!)". Speaking: No living without feeling something deeply. You're not a soldier, if you behave like an idiot. If you maybe believe that killing is a one-way road that CAN never happen to you and if you still believe it looks like in a movie or a video game. Killing doesn't work according to imaginations of triumph or anything like that.
It just is as the dices fall. And dices falling don't mean beauty or "eye-candy", if one's allowed to say it that way.
Getting used to that cruelty and the randomness of life, then it's a step from a nerd to something real - no matter how that "something real" is defined for you then.

...Well, that's how it is when nerdiness separates from the reality.
These days this kind of "nerds" kills in the least of the cases, but still it's somehow not like unrelated to each other. I mean - not too much different from each other. It's hard to express how I've got it in my head...
Call of Duty, Angry Birds, and My Little Pony. Yep.