Random thoughts

* When I die, do not let them write something like "the Lord called her home" or "she earned her wings." Let it be badass, like "she gave Death the middle finger and lost the resulting fistfight". Or something like that. Anything that doesn't say I went gently into that good night.

* There is also to be no exaggerating my qualities for an obituary. The only acceptable things to exaggerate is my love for cats and chocolate - and that's only because it is actually impossible to exaggerate that.

* I've thought long and hard about it, and I've decided what, if anything, heaven will be. It will consist of the three C's - cats, chocolate, and cigarettes. Coffee and cheesecake will also be strongly featured.

* Why do so many of my favorite things in life start with the letter "C"? Seriously, it seems weird.

* I may be a little less comfortable with the idea of having lupus than I previously thought. On a trip through documentaries on Youtube, I watched videos on various gruesome murders, the evolution of psych wards and mental health treatments, nail painting (duh), extreme surgeries, and various other odds and ends. I can - and often do - watch these things for hoooouuuurrsss.

I then decided to watch some vlogs of people personally sharing their own lupus stories. There's not a lot of them, as most of what Youtube serves up concerning lupus is crackpots peddling their dietary "cures" for the disease.

But there are, indeed, a few of actual people describing their actual lives. I could only get a couple minutes into the videos, however, before I closed the window. I can watch videos about graphic things all day, but hearing someone else talk about their personal struggles with lupus makes me...uncomfortable.

This is really not becoming of me, nor does it help me feel connected and less alone concerning my disease. There is a part of me that very much wants to be connected to "lupus culture" (Is there such a thing? Idk. I think I just made that phrase up), but another part of me wants to carry it alone. It's as if a part of me feels that lupus is a private, personal matter, even though due to public journaling, nothing in my life is private or personal.

I dun get it.

* The windchill temperatures this weekend are supposed to reach -25 degrees. NEGATIVE TWENTY-FIVE DEGREES.(That's negative 31 degrees Celsius). In my ignorance when I first moved to the Midwest, I thought windchills were only when the wind, you know, blew. Turns out "windchill" is code for "what it actually FEELS LIKE outside." Oh winter, how I loathe thee, let me count the ways.

* I've already run into a roadblock with writing that lupus thing. There is a lot that I simply don't remember. Even with Livejournal, there are still huge chunks of time, significant events, etc, that I was too sick to put down. (Especially in the beginning, when the lupus was literally chewing on my brain.)

I will have to ask Jesse to fill in the blanks as best as he can. I will probably need to get a copy of my medical records, too. That'll be fun. A five day stay is about 50 pages. I racked up over four months in the hospital.

* There have got to be better ways to emphasize words than basic HTML code. Italics and bolds only go so far before they start looking overused.

This entry was originally posted at https://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1109305.html
Why do you consider a vegan diet to be "crackpot"? Reducing inflammation is key to taming the symptoms of any disease.
it's not the vegan diet I think is a crackpot (in fact, a vegan diet is the closest thing to a medically perfect renal diet there is), it's the fact that people think you can cure or else nearly cure lupus with it. Or with other diets like the paleo diet or the Atkins or "insert bizarre combo of like three foods and eight million vitamin supplement." It's a complex medical condition, and while diet makes up a HYUGE part of recovery, it doesn't cure it. (Granted you know all this already cuz you are smart and awesome. A lot of youtube does not seem smart and awesome.)

So nah, no slams on the vegan diet itself. By itself, when I eventually get disability and food stamps, I'll probably wind up eating more vegan than not.
The whole point of a vegan diet is that it minimizes inflammation—which is thought to be the root cause of many diseases and conditions, including cancer. Here's a thread on Reddit that came up when I did a search.

So, no claims coming from me regarding anything "miraculous" coming from veganism, but I feel there are such multitudinous benefits—to the planet and environment, not to mention animals—that I can't imagine going back to the omnivore way of life. Your mileage may vary.
There have got to be better ways to emphasize words than basic HTML code. Italics and bolds only go so far before they start looking overused.

At least it's not blinking text or comic sans :p
"played a hundred different board and society games with the Grim Reaper like Bill & Ted, such as Battleship, chess and Twister, but unfortunately, Death cheated in the last game 'cause he was tired of losing"

...Well, off to the business part: I could make up the guessing that you're still looking for your way in all this and that's why you try to find examples of other people which have to deal with the same.
It's normal to do so, I guess, as it may ring many questions about "Am I able to go on with my attitude in life?" and such stuff. Especially if your mental home is on the dark side, such a thing may confuse you, as the fight against chronic disease always means signs of "I don't wanna die" and "I wanna take care of myself", which, when trapped in the wrong situations, or when returning to one's life habits, may not fully reflect the usual behavior one practices against oneself.
Let's say, the conflict between urge to stay alive and the way one's own psyche is made get into a conflict with each other and one needs to find answers where to place the own self within this. If just everything can stay as it is or if something fundamentally needs to change.
Like, very basically said, can people sick with lupus also be tattooed and wear piercings, can they still go to a bar and drink a beer, or are they forced to lead a life like a hermit - do they wither to a physical and mental state like a 70-years-old granny or so?
In the position of the beginner, these are all pretty important questions...
So it's my guessing, it's pretty normal, even natural, to go look for other peoples's stories and what they have to say. It's just a thing about orientation in that situation.