Nothin' a woman loves more than flashing her tits for some turkey and mashed potatoes

So for the last few years, Jesse and I have had Thanksgiving with his ex-roommate and "best friend of 30 years", who still lives down the hall. His mother, not knowing that her manchild son does not have any friends outside of Jesse and I, always orders her son a holiday meal for 5. So while I greatly dislike this man, I bite the bullet come the holidays for the food and to let Jesse have some 'family time' with his best friend.

Well, as time has gone on, more "ex" best friend.

SOME BACKGROUND: RL (short for Rules Lawyer, which is the kind of RPG player the guy is) drives me up the wall. He's got some seriously incel-ish ideas about women. He will occasionally complain that he's never had a girlfriend and is still practically a virgin. (By his own admittance, he's only had sex once. The dude is 46.) At the same time, he refuses to talk to women, instead choosing to spend all his time mooning over hentai and Asian porn.

Among being a racist and someone who thinks if men have sensitive nipples they must be gay, RL is also a nudist. He's an exhibitionist, which is annoying on many levels, but I just choose not to ever visit him. Not seeing his squat dick swinging under his red, chubby gunt is simply a matter of not visiting his house. So far, so good.

Until last night, that is. Jesse had talked with RL to see what the Thanksgiving plans were. This year, RL gave us a choice.

Jesse and I were more than welcome to come over and enjoy some fine food with him for the holidays if we were to all agree to have dinner naked (as he told Jesse, it's 'been a while since he's seen a naked woman.") Or.....he would give us a couple of frozen chicken breasts instead.

Make no mistake, the condition was clear. Turkey and mashed potatoes? I must show him my tits. If I chose not to? Well, a couple of pieces of freezer burned chicken would be the alternative.

Jesse texted "She understands that in your house you'll be naked. But it'll be a clothes-on event for her."

RL fired back "I figured. Hope she enjoys the chicken."

It was at this point that I began to laugh uncontrollably. A wild howl, a cackle, a belly guffaw that could not be contained by these four walls. The idea that Thanksgiving dinner was somehow a negotiation for mild prostitution was just too funny. It was BEYOND hilarious. I think it genuinely surprised RL that we did not swoon upon his gracious offer, for what could be more tempting than a near virginal 46 year old dick and some mashed potatoes?

The whole thing is just SO ABSURD. I find myself less angry and more horribly amused than anything else. However -

I AM angry on Jesse's behalf. While RL has not been a true friend to Jesse in years, the two have over 30 years of history together. It's a friendship that Jesse has not wanted to give up on. Last night, RL told Jesse, in as many words and actions, that his only value to their friendship was his naked girlfriend. That the only way he would deign Jesse worthy of his attention was if Jesse acted as a pimp. It's called into account a lot of the insensitive, awful things RL has said to Jesse over the years - and the ways that RL has mistreated Jesse.

That hurt Jesse. A lot. THAT makes me angry. THAT makes me want to kick RL's dick so far into his hanging gut that he'll be pulling it out of his belly button.

But this is not the time for violence. At least, not today.

So yes, this year Thanksgiving will consist of a couple pieces of chicken, some carrots, and a one dollar box of stuffing. It will be a small meal but it will be cooked with love and wondrous seasonings. (Jesse's quite the wizard when it comes to seasoning food.) Jesse and I will eat at in our chairs at our computers, as we don't have a table to eat on. But Jesse and I will be eating with family - and that's each other. And the cats, who will probably get a few bites of my chicken, even as Jesse will fuss about that. (It's Thanksgiving for them, too!)

And that's what counts. At the end of the day, THAT'S what really counts. Some lemon and pepper seasoned chicken with roasted carrots, stuffing with caramelized onions mixed in (we still have an onion leftover from last week) and real. family. That's what Thanksgiving is about.

Well, and about my new catchphrase to determine basic human decency - "Did you choose the chicken?"

This entry was originally posted at https://quirkytizzy.dreamwidth.org/1119653.html
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Errr, wait, what did the guy demand??!
Seriously, this is something I would consider as "molesting". Sexual abuse stuff.
Food for seeing your friend's girlfriend naked?!
Damn, what the heck did this idiot grow up in?
With that kind of manners, it's no miracle he's an incel - no matter if he'd crave for pussies or dicks...
If anyone he invited to his shack wanted to be naked in it, then they'd already done so on their own - and if they didn't do so, this means a big fucking NO!.
Already demanding this from someone in exchange for some other "service" which you know these people would be very fond of, that's already... I don't know. Niveau "won the the first price": A bullet to the head.
But let's stay civilized while we can still choose how to act...
Pardon my French...but what the fuck did I just read? He actually thinks that trying to get someone's girlfriend to show off their 'assets' is a condition on coming over for Thanksgiving? How exactly did he NOT get his ass kicked? I mean, my dating life pretty much sucks and I like boobies as much as the next guy. But, there are some lines you just DON'T cross.

Also, why the fuck does the guy think that anyone wants to see that? Talk about losing one's lunch. I don't blame you for leaving him to uh, choke the chicken, and spend time with Jesse and kittehs.
I'd ask for fewer, myself, except where comic relief is concerned. I'm gonna shudder over that for a while.

Power trips are one thing, but for goodness' sake if you're going to go out of your way to take advantage of somebody, PUH-LEEZE have the decency to find someone who WANTS to be taken advantage of.

Ugh. Ugh. Barf.
That's insane. I'm so sorry Jesse has lost one of his friends over this. But yeah, that's just... an unnacceptably high level of bullshit.

We all know who he is online, don't we. I bet his computer is a cesspool of creepy pedo rape threatening stalker bullshit.
Sorry I'm late to this party, I've been really busy with work and stuff lately.

This seriously sounds like something I'd read on r/justneckbeardthings. What sort of idiot thinks that he can convince a guy to get his girlfriend who he clearly loves very much to demean herself for some perv's personal satisfaction food?
I have not been on in a while.. but at some point you just end a friendship. You just do. Its sad.. it is... but when you are being used.. well.. That's it. You are being used. It will be his loss far more than yours.
Damn, I wonder how people get like that in their upbringing?

Anyway, I hope you guys had a happy Thanksgiving!